Today (4-12-2013) is one year since Alice died. I have mourned for one year, at first, loudly, but lately, simply a welling up that clouds my vision for a while as I try to control and divert my energy to an appreciation of what I had for what may be considered a very long time.
Looking back on time makes the span seem so short. Looking ahead makes a span of time seem so impossibly long to wait. Very short in reminiscence.
I realize now how much we might have conversed about: interpersonal reflection; occasionally, on the past we had and our accomplishments; our ventures; our building spaces and moving from place to place; our friendships; our vacations; our “products”; our mutual points of respect; our change in thinking about all the categories of thought.
It would have been a grand re-living as the recreation of old people who move slowly now. What might have been. NOW I say it! HUH! Not with regret, but with wishful thinking that was not concurrent with her presence.
We need another life together to get it perfect.
“Hey, man, what do you want?! You had fifty-four years!”
“Yeah. You got me there. But I thought if I just put this down and sent it around, some others might take the hint and find some value in my recounting my year without her and what that does to one.”